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"If we are encouraging straight men to be heteroflexible, bi-curious, or bisexual-behaving, and we accept and have a heterosexist fascination for bisexual women, then it makes sense that some gay men will be homoflexible.”īut again-don't stress about labels. “Also, let's not get into the double standard around male sexualities," she adds. Sexuality can be fluid, and love can come in different genders, Pallotta-Chiarolli explains. She's worked with many gay men who've met certain women and felt an unexpected sexual attraction to them. Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli of Deakin University, researcher and author of Women in Relationships with Bisexual Men: Bi Men By Women. To help give you advice, I reached out to Dr. You’re not alone, even though you might feel like it. (You also don't sound like you're experiencing OCD-related sexual orientation obsessions, but it's worth reading up on to be sure.) It seems like you’ve calmly noticed that your attractions don’t fall as heavily on the gay end of the spectrum as they once did-or as you previously thought. You seem to be pretty cool about the whole being gay thing, which means you're probably not struggling with internalized homophobia. Which brings me to my next point: I think you should go for it! You say there's a part of you that's still wondering if you're just trying to fool yourself, but it sounds like your attraction to men and women is legit. I think your identity will become a lot clearer after you explore your attractions towards women. Other times, feeling compelled to pick a label can add unnecessary anxiety and actually limit our sexual behavior. Sometimes, labels can bring us security and pride. Do you have any advice on how I might be able to venture out and explore this side of me?Īs you read this, I don't want you to be consumed with how you sexually identify. I'm very hesitant to talk to my gay male friends about this, and I haven't dared mention it to any female friends either. Even with guys, the other person usually has to initiate. I have never really been one to go to a bar and try to hook up, and straight bars are pretty intimidating to me, as I wouldn't call myself a super masculine guy. I often prefer bisexual and straight porn to gay porn, so it does seem like something I’m into, but there’s also a part of me that’s still wondering if I’m just trying to fool myself. I tend to be more romantically attracted to men, so I'm not looking to necessarily date and marry a woman, but I'm interested to find out if there's another part of me that I've been neglecting. But over time I’ve gained an increasing curiosity about what I’ve been missing. I didn't really date in high school, so I never had any sexual experiences with women.
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I’ve pretty much identified as gay since college, and I’ve only ever dated men. To submit a question for a future column, fill out this form. Ask me anything-literally, anything-and I will gladly Sexplain It.
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I'm here to answer your most pressing sex questions with thorough, actionable advice that isn't just "communicate with your partner," because you know that already. In doing so, I've learned a thing or two about navigating issues in the bedroom (and a bunch of other places, TBH). Over the years, I've had my fair share of sexual experiences, dating and sleeping with hundreds of people of all genders and orientations. It’s the definition of “no strings attached”.I'm Zachary Zane, a sex writer and ethical manwhore (a fancy way of saying I sleep with a lot of people, and I'm very, very open about it). I was initially sceptical, but this arrangement seems to work for everyone: the wife knows she has no competition from another woman the husband knows he does not want a life with another man. As one man told me: “Sex with another man is not being unfaithful to my wife – it’s just fulfilling my needs and desires.” I’ve even encountered straight men who have “male-on-male playdates” with their wives’ blessing. There is little, or nothing, in the way of guilt. The advent of the internet has made these discreet, anonymous encounters with curious men incredibly easy. I’m in an open marriage with another man, so I’m not interested in falling in love. I prefer sex with straight men because they don’t want romance with gay men there’s always the possibility that they could get the wrong end of the stick and want something more. I should know I’ve been sleeping with them since my schooldays. T here have always been men who have sex with other men, but don’t consider themselves gay or even bisexual.